Mirror Image
by Meriah
Summary: Mai reflects on her childhood memories, her fears of abandonment and attachment, and her pain. (Not as bad as it sounds, I swear --;;)


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Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh is property of Kazuki Takahashi. Blah blah blah.

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Authoress' Note: Mai's not a favorite character of mine, but I like her a lot. I thought of writing about her because I noticed that when she actually _is_ in fanfics, which is very rare, she lacks an important role. Plus I've never seen a fanfic _about_ her.

Enjoy! ^_^

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To men I'm like Lilith – see, pant and beg like the mongrel you are. Fall to your knees at my presence, pretty boy. Rain sweat at my seduction. Reach for me, for if you're lucky, I may kiss you once or twice. But ultimately, I'm the essence of the forbidden fruit – untouchable.

To women: "She's such a whore. Using her good looks to get whatever she wants. Doesn't she have dignity?" Yes, I am a whore, slut, harlot; a thousand names, but they mean the same. I walk the streets in a corset, high-heeled boots, short leather skirt, wearing the eyes of those labels.

Why should I not? A whore, slut, harlot is what I am.

What I always was.

I drop my clothes to the floor. I'm naked and vulnerable. The steam from the bath has clouded the mirror; I cannot see my reflection. It's a defense from myself, for whenever I look into mirrors I don't see the sexy woman everyone speaks of. I see a child – bloodshot eyes, tousled hair, pasty skin, cracked lips, and nothing but torn rags covering my vulnerability. She is the Mai from so many years ago.

Not literally, of course. I was a healthy-looking girl and dressed in the finest of clothing, as my parents were rich. But what I described is certainly what I _felt_ and continue to _feel_ like. She is the hidden part of me I release as I lay in bed every night. The real me.

What I'm speaking of is loneliness, a terminal illness of the soul. Its presence is like venom seeping into the veins; traveling through muscle and sinew, gnawing at the bones. And in a strange way it is your companion, for it is all you've ever known.

I learned to live by myself for myself. I believed that by depending on myself, I would be safeguarded from the pain. Friendship, ha! What's the point to friendship? Why love someone when in the end you're abandoned? Why tear your heart? Living in solitude is essential for enduring the cruelties of the world.

And yet… why not embrace friendship? Friendship is love, and to love is to be human. 

My life has been fictitious ever since childhood. I had imaginary friends; I was imaginary. I was nothing, just a cool wisp of air. Friendship was a gift for others, and as much as it hurt me, I banished it.

Yet here I was going against my own safeguard. I couldn't banish him. He melted the ice of my heart the moment I laid my eyes upon him.

Jounouchi.

He was another guy who wanted me. If there were a waiting list for getting me in bed, the signatures would be in the thousands by now.

Unlike the other guys, I wanted him too.

I want to look into his warm eyes, feel his lips on mine, hear his heartbeat. I want him to hold me and whisper sweet words.

Of course that'll never happen. I won't let it happen.

A fear of rejection isn't what I fear. He likes me, I know he does. What I fear is what may _develop_. I'd been alone all my life. Somehow making friends is one thing. Having a lover is completely off-limits. If we were to get into a stupid, meaningless quarrel, it would destroy me anyway. Besides, love is vulnerability. 

Vulnerability is complete exposure of the soul. It is an endless void of pain and fear. It is hell itself.

The steam from the mirror is clearing. The childhood Mai is still there. We gaze at one another, until we find ourselves touching the glass that separates us. If I shatter the mirror, I'll kill her. I'll kill my memories.

She has her head buried in her knees, arms wrapped. She's sobbing and screaming. 

And I find myself doing the same.

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Wow. This sucked -_- It didn't turn out at ALL the way I planned. Ugh…

Just so you know, Mai really was seeing a younger version of herself in the mirror (she was hallucinating, I guess). 

Anyway, I hope you liked it ^_^; Please review!


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